I can’t believe that my grandfather really passed away 2 years ago on this day. I don’t know what to say. Since morning I have been trying to hide my tears but it’s no use. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t missed him or haven’t felt guilty that I never spent time with him. I never knew it then but my grandfather is my real and true hero. I remember the time when he used to shout at my parents for not getting me what I want.

I didn’t blog the whole week because I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and well here it is. A big break down. This break down is nothing compared to the one he gave me when he died but it still hurts. He is gone, he left me all alone. People say time heals all pain but what about the guilt?? The guilt of not being there for him. The guilt of avoiding him for the stupid luxuries that mean nothing to me now. I feel the guilt every day and each and every day it increases and increases. This is so hard for me. I act so strong and so happy but those very close to me know that I am broken inside. I am gradually forgetting the meaning of true laughter because I know what I did was wrong.

You know, talking to a stranger who is reading your blog is not a better idea than talking to your family about your feelings. I can’t talk to anyone because talking is not my strength. I write my feelings out and that’s why I do this post. I know this might sound stupid to you all but I couldn’t stop myself from writing this.

I don’t need to say with your family as we are all home but I will tell you this, talk to them don’t get stuck in your phones and friends. Both of them won’t last forever either but when you lose a family member, it will hurt a lot too. Just spend most of your time with them.

Make memories people because many unfortunates like me don’t have many memories to cherish their most beloved person. I can’t write anymore, it’s just too hard for me today. He wanted to watch me grow up, he didn’t get that. I want him to watch me study and make him proud, I didn’t get that too. I will always miss him. Always, every day, forever…

Signing Out_X.

7 responses to “HE’S GONE || FEELINGS OUT (2).”

  1. Emer @alittlehazebookblog Avatar
    Emer @alittlehazebookblog

    Oh my friend. I’m sending you all the love. πŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’œ I hope that you know that by pouring out your feelings this way you are making your grandfather proud because you are letting the world know how wonderful he was and how the world was lucky to have him for the few years he walked its soil. I pray that you will find comfort in sharing your feelings and will realise that you loved him as best you could when he was still here given the circumstances of life. We don’t get to live perfect lives but thankfully we are given perfect love. And the love you shared with your grandfather was indeed perfect. Take care dearest πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Emer. I am so glad to have a blogger like you around. I miss him a lot, Emer. I have grown up in Africa so I wasn’t able to see him much as he was in India and now after he is gone, I am in India and each and every day I just regret that I couldn’t spend much time with him. Thank you so much for being around and understanding my feelings. You are a great person indeed!! Take care tooπŸ’–βœŒπŸ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are keeping your grandfather alive with your memories of him, and that’s the best tribute you can give him. He wouldn’t want you to be so depressed and upset because he is no longer here. He would want you to enjoy life, and spread your wings.
    Best wishes, Pete. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I miss him a lot, Pete. I am going through a really bad nervous breakdown. I can’t blog, eat, drink and don’t feel like talking to. I am trying to pull myself outta it with some good books but I just can’t get over the guilt this time. It hurts to know that he’s gone and what hurts more is that he left without saying goodbye. I am sorry to drag you into this Pete. I just can’t seem to control myself anymore. I am just a bubble of weird emotionsπŸ˜žπŸ’”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is obviously something you have to work through inside yourself, Suzan. I just hope you come out of the other side of this sooner rather than later. xx

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I always come out of it Pete. It does take me some time though but I do come out of it. Right now I am almost out of it. πŸ’–βœŒπŸ˜Š

          Liked by 1 person

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